Grief Counselling - Christchurch
What is Grief?
The hardest part of loving someone is knowing that someday, you will lose them. When we experience loss, it leaves a space that once contributed to our sense that 'all is right in the world'. Now, this space feels deafening. Grief is painful because the comfort they brought will never be the same again. Any new memories will be made without them. When we lose something or someone of value, we not only face the loss of happiness and connection but also the added sorrow of missing their comfort during our pain.
What Are the Different Types of Grief?
Grief is a natural response to loss, manifesting in various ways. It often involves a range of emotions, from sadness and anger to confusion and relief, and can vary greatly from person to person. Whether it’s the loss of a loved one, an unfulfilled dream, or a significant life change, each form of grief is valid and deeply personal. As we navigate our grief, it’s crucial to recognise that these emotions are a normal and essential part of the healing journey. Additionally, there are specific types of grief that one might encounter:
Complicated Grief: A prolonged, intense grief that disrupts daily life. It can feel like being stuck in sorrow, unable to move forward. If your grief seems overwhelming and persistent, making it difficult to function, this might be the category you’re experiencing.
Anticipatory Grief: This grief occurs when you anticipate a loss, such as during a terminal illness. It involves grieving before the actual loss happens, allowing some preparation for the inevitable changes.
Disenfranchised Grief: This type of grief is not openly acknowledged, socially accepted, or publicly mourned. Examples include the loss of a pet, a miscarriage, or an unfulfilled dream. These losses often feel isolating as they are not recognised by others.
Collective Grief: This type of grief is experienced by a group, community, or society. This includes grief from natural disasters, mass tragedies, or the death of a public figure. Collective grief can bring communities together but can also amplify the sense of loss.
Delayed Grief: This happens when grief reactions are delayed and resurface much later. Immediate circumstances might prevent you from processing the loss initially, leading to an unexpected emotional response much later.
Masked Grief: This type of grief shows up in ways not immediately recognised, such as physical symptoms or altered behaviours. It often occurs when feelings of loss are suppressed or unrecognised, leading to unexpected expressions of grief.
Why Is Grieving Important?
Grieving is a natural and crucial part of healing from loss. It allows us to process our emotions and find a new sense of balance. When we face loss, we may wonder how we can continue or feel okay again. Grief can be overwhelming, coming in waves, sudden bursts, or seeming like it will never fade. Grief counselling helps us integrate the loss into our lives and gradually find new meaning and purpose. The aim is not to let go of what’s important, but to honour and cherish these memories as vital parts of our lives.
How Do Children Experience Grief?
Children experience grief differently than adults and often display their emotions in unique ways. They might show grief intermittently, feeling sad one moment and playful the next. This does not mean they don't understand the loss; rather, this is their mind's way of protecting them from overwhelming emotions. Their grief can manifest in different ways, like clinginess, withdrawal, or acting out. This reflects their need for stability and security during this difficult time. They might also have trouble sleeping, experience changes in appetite, or have difficulty concentrating in school.
Young children might ask questions repeatedly, such as, "I know granddad died, but when will he come home?" This reflects their need to test reality and ensure the story of the death remains unchanged. Their understanding of death evolves with age and developmental stage. Young children may also view death as reversible or akin to sleep, while older children can begin to grasp its finality and universality. Unlike adults, children might not openly express their feelings. They might immerse themselves in activities rather than withdraw, using play to process their emotions and cope with their grief.
Grief Therapy - Christchurch
There is no single pathway through grief, nor a set timeline for how you should feel. Your grief is as unique and personal as your thumbprint. That's why we offer personalised grief therapy, designed to help you find a balance between facing your loss and re-engaging with life. Our role as grief therapists is to walk alongside you, supporting you in finding new meaning and purpose after your loss, while also honouring your need to move between confronting the pain and finding ways to reconnect with life. You don't have to go through grief alone. Contact us today to start your healing process.
Why choose us?
Guiding You Through grief
By focusing on your personal narrative, we can help you integrate your loss into your life, so that your grief journey leads to a richer, more meaningful existence.
Experienced and Empathetic Care: Our depth of experience and empathy ensures that you receive compassionate support, helping you feel understood and cared for throughout your grief journey.
Tailored Grief Therapy: We offer personalised grief therapy that respects your unique needs and experiences, ensuring you receive the right guidance and care for your situation.
Healing Companions: Experience the comfort of our supportive therapy animals, who can help ease your grief and bring a sense of calm.
Frequently Asked Questions
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Grieving can feel overwhelming, and it's natural to wonder if the pain will ever go away. The truth is, while the intensity of grief changes over time, the experience of loss fundamentally alters us. It’s essential to understand that grief is not something that simply disappears; instead, it evolves as we learn to live with our loss. As you navigate your grief, it’s important to find ways to honour your loved one and keep their memory alive. This doesn’t mean holding onto the pain indefinitely, but rather integrating their presence in a way that allows you to move forward while cherishing their impact on your life.
Grief is unique for everyone, and there is no set timeline for how long it should last. Be patient with yourself and allow the process to unfold at your own pace. If you find yourself struggling, talking to a trusted person or seeking professional support can be incredibly helpful. Remember, you are not alone in this journey. Many people share your experience and can provide the empathy and understanding you need. -
Managing grief is a personal journey, and different strategies work for different people. Seeking support from friends, family, or a support group can provide comfort and understanding, especially when sharing feelings with others who have experienced similar losses. Professional help from a therapist or counsellor specialising in grief can offer tailored coping strategies and support. Expressing emotions through creative outlets like writing, painting, or playing music can be therapeutic. Maintaining a regular routine provides a sense of normalcy and stability during a chaotic time. Physical activity, such as walking, yoga, or other gentle exercises, can improve mood and overall wellbeing. Self-care is crucial, including eating well, getting enough sleep, and allowing time to rest and recover. It’s important to find what works best for you and to be patient with yourself as you navigate your grief.
When children experience loss, they often worry about a few key things. Firstly, they may worry about who will take care of them. Children rely heavily on adults for support and care, so losing or fearing the loss of a caregiver can make them feel very insecure. It’s important to talk to your child honestly about death in a way they can understand. Secondly, they might worry if the same thing could happen to them. The death of another child or close person can be especially frightening, making them fear for their own safety. Lastly, they might wonder if they somehow caused the death. Children sometimes believe their thoughts or words have magical powers, so if they once wished someone dead or if a parent said, "You’ll be the death of me," and then passed away, they might feel responsible. Reassure them that they are not to blame, that they are safe, and that there will always be someone to take care of them. These conversations can help ease their fears and provide the comfort they need during such a difficult time. -
The best counselling approach for grief in adults depends on individual needs and preferences. Some effective methods include Meaning Reconstruction and Dual Process Models, which focus on finding new meaning and balancing mourning with life activities. Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy (CBT) helps in identifying and changing negative thought patterns, while Psychodynamic Therapy explores unconscious feelings and past experiences to resolve grief. Additionally, Transactional Analysis uses an understanding of social interactions and personal history to help manage grief and foster emotional healing.
For children, effective grief counselling approaches include Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (TF-CBT), which helps children process their grief and develop healthy coping strategies. Play Therapy allows children to express their feelings and process their grief through play, which is a natural form of communication for them. Another helpful approach is Art Therapy, which uses creative activities to help children express and work through their emotions related to loss.
While these therapies have their strengths, research suggests that the key to successful grief therapy lies in 'common factors' such as the strength of the therapist-client relationship, the therapist's empathy, and the client's active engagement in the therapy process. This underlines that the personal connection and trust developed with your therapist can be as impactful as the specific therapy method used. Ultimately, a tailored approach that resonates with your circumstances and preferences, coupled with a strong therapeutic alliance, forms the foundation of effective grief counselling. -
Choosing the right therapist for grief counselling involves considering both personal compatibility and professional expertise. Look for therapists who are experienced in grief therapy and use evidence-based approaches. It's important to evaluate potential therapists not only by their qualifications and methods but also by how comfortable and understood you feel with them. A grief therapist will ideally possess qualities such as empathy, patience, and strong listening skills. They should also be skilled in guiding conversations gently and creating a safe, non-judgemental space for you to express your emotions. A suitable therapist will help you navigate your grief journey, providing support to process your loss and uncover deeper emotional layers. Remember, the therapeutic relationship is crucial, and finding a therapist who resonates with you can significantly enhance your healing experience.
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It's common to find it challenging to open up during grief therapy, especially if you're not used to discussing deeply personal feelings. Our Christchurch grief counselling service provides a confidential and non-judgemental space where you can share at your own pace. If talking about your loss feels too difficult, starting with less intense topics or writing down your thoughts can help you gradually build comfort and trust. Our therapists are skilled in guiding conversations gently, allowing you to explore your emotions as you feel ready. We're here to support and understand you, ensuring you feel safe as you navigate your grief journey.
Contact us for Grief Counselling - Christchurch
Grieving can feel overwhelming, which is why we are here to walk alongside you. Our Christchurch-based grief counselling focuses on helping you find personal meaning and navigate between mourning and moving forward. When you're ready to start this journey, we will support you every step of the way. We look forward to hearing from you and being part of your healing process.
“When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure.”